The Construct

Entertainment through stolen phones

Alex @ May 23, 2008 | | News |

My phone buzzed early this morning. Yes, I always keep it on silent mode so it’s just the vibrating alert that buzzed against the glass top of our coffee table. A missed call from Grace’s number.

It was a bit weird since Grace would be one of the people I’d be amazed to give me a call. Being English majors, we have taken classes together but we never really were in the same group even back in our undergrad days. In fact, it was only during our recent graduate classes that we’ve bonded together as classmates. But since it has been six months after our last class together, the call was out of the blue.

Then I received a text message, again from her number.

Grace: Helo, uy favor nman, san k ngaun? Palodan m naman pnsan ko, emergency kc. E d2 ko interview ngaun. D ako mkalabas. Plodan ko dn maya paglbas ko. Plis.

Now being not the total asshole that many people think of me as, I replied asking for a few more details. Though I found it awfully fishy from the start. 1) According to relationship value and network proximity, I’d be one of the last people from whom Grace would ask such a favor. 2) English majors do have a certain register, even with text messages. “Plis” is definitely not one of them.

So I replied. Just to check if it was really Grace, I asked her something that only she should know.

Alex: Uhm, ok. Details pls. Btw, do you need 207? We are checkng ppl who need it. [referring to an MA class]

Grace: What? Dtails frm who? Dis # 09214751125 nid lng tlga cousin ko. Nsa hosptal kc tita ko ngaun. Pls pls.

Uhm, yeah. As if my referent to “details” was ambiguous given the context. I was around 75% sure that that wasn’t Grace texting me. But to keep the ball rolling, I decided to trump the other party by asking more questions.

Alex: How much? And about 207, will you? We’re petitioning for it.

Grace: 300 or kht 115 lng. Tenks. Bout 207? ill col u later.

Heck. That really convinced me. Indefinite value. Any person in his courteous mind would only probably ask for around Php 50 as that would get a long way for texts. Else, there’s always a pay phone in the hospital. And “Tenks,” we’ve done a simple experiment in our classes determining the ways people say thanks in text messaging and I clearly remember Grace as one of those people who don’t use “Tenks.”

A bit more push.

Alex: Wait, kailangan ko din malaman ung 207. We need to file the petition with [insert department staff's name here] ASAP.

Grace: Ok I will.

Eeeenk. Wrong answer. The correct answer is “No.” as 207 refers to the Advanced Semantics class and Grace has already completed the course.

Alex: Was just doing check, now i’m pretty sure this is a scam. Grace, if it’s really you, cld u define “language?” Else, stop using this number. I’ll report you.

And the person stopped texting again. Oh sure, I probably wasted a few pesos, messing with the person. But I had a kick out of it. Hehehe. Dumb bastard. I finally confirmed with Grace that her phone got stolen. So whoever was using her phone deserves to develop yellow-colored flesh-eating fungal infection on his/her crotch.

In any case, why the prompt to define “language”? UP Diliman English majors are like wind-up toys when defining the word. Anyway, I won’t write it down here. But it’s Trager and Bloch’s definition.